Sign in

33 Years And Still In Love

Photo by Oziel Gómez on Unsplash

We hear so many times, more than we’d like, how a family member’s, a friend’s, or even our favorite celebrity’s marriage ended. We hurt for them even though we understand. It’s difficult to find a couple these days that haven’t gone through a separation, a divorce, and were no longer together, but I want to present a little hope that a long-lasting marriage can happen.

Now I’m not here to bash divorce, I know that sometimes there’s no other way, but I do want to share my story and possibly give a little hope. I’m not saying that my marriage has been a perfect ride or a bed of roses, in fact, a lot of times my marriage was a perfect storm or even a bed of thorns. We had our rough patches just like everyone else does. In fact, some of those patches were so rough they left scars.

We both came from two entirely different backgrounds, which in some ways helped, but in other ways didn’t. I’ve always heard it said that opposites attract, and I believe that is true. We are opposite in a lot of ways but we also have a lot in common. I came from the so-called picket fence type of background and she came from a very abusive background, but we both have a love for life, a good sense of humor, and a strong faith that was our common ground.

We started out as good friends which developed into a deep love for one another. One of the keys to our strong relationship was that we talked about everything. We didn’t hold anything back, we didn’t keep secrets, we were both very honest with each other from the very beginning. In fact, we had only been dating for a month or two and we knew more about each other than most of our friends who had been dating for years.

I understand that a lot of couples date and are engaged for a year or more before stepping into marriage, but not us. We dated and within six months we were married. Was that a wise decision? Maybe not for some, but it was for us, we knew we deeply loved each other and couldn’t wait to start our new life together.

I mentioned that we went through some very rough patches, and that is true. One patch was so rough that it even brought us to be separated from each other, and even to the point of divorce. Let me share with you some more about that.

Sometimes people, even those we believe care about us, don’t always have our best interest. I stated before that we always talked and were always honest with each other. At this one time, we both started to listen to an individual that was very close to us both, instead of to each other.

This person came in between us, telling us, he said — she said, when in fact neither of us ever said. This person had us believing lies about each other that eventually tore us apart. As I said, this was at a time, we stopped talking to each other and started listening to this individual instead. What made this even more painful, was this individual was a mother figure to my wife.

I’ll state this fact one more time that I learned the hard way. Sometimes people, even those we believe care about us, don’t always have our best interest. If I can be of any encouragement to anyone, always talk honestly and always be open with your loved one, never stop talking to each other. I believe that is one of the biggest keys to having a great marriage and long-lasting relationship.

One more piece of advice that I can give, I actually received from Dr. Phil while watching one of his shows. That advice came from Dr. Phil in the form of a question he asked which is, ‘Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?’ I have remembered this many times whenever I have felt my own ego popping up in a discussion I was having with my wife. I would stop myself, realizing I was pushing a point that wasn’t of any importance.

Now I started this story with the title 33 years and still in love, and that is very true. Regarding that very rough patch that we went through, as I stated we did go through a divorce, but after 9 months we were remarried. Here’s what happened.

After 9 months, almost to the day, we opened back up to each other and started to talk openly again like we always had, and that’s when we painfully realized how much we had been deceived by this individual we trusted. The more we talked that day, and discovered the truth, the more healing took place, and believe it or not, we were remarried that very afternoon at the courthouse. We now just consider those 9 painful months, as the time we took a little break.

As a man of faith, I believe it like this, that just as it takes 9 months to birth a baby, it took God 9 months to rebirth our marriage. 9 months for our emotions to settle and 9 months to reopen our lines of communication. Just like the good book says, it was the truth that set us free, and I know that this may sound cliché, but truly, honesty is the best policy for living a good life and for having a healthy long relationship.

There have been a lot of other challenges we have gone through together, financial challenges, health challenges, just to name a few, but we have always remained open and honest with each other as we did from the very beginning of our relationship. We have never allowed any one person or thing to come between our relationship again. We keep our communication lines open all the time.

I truly believe our deep love for one another, our sense of humor, our strong faith, and our complete honesty with each other have been the main keys that have helped us to have a strong and long-lasting marriage. To be able to now say that we are 33 Years And Still In Love.

Author, Composer, and YouTuber (aka Mr Zen Daddy)

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store